


You Do You

by newredshoes



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Bodyswap, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 00:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17274041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newredshoes/pseuds/newredshoes
Summary: Bodies are hilarious, especially when they aren’t yours.





	You Do You

Joe West yelling after an explosion in the lab was the most normal thing about this whole mess. The cadence with which he shouted “Oh hell no!” and “Not cool not cool not cool!” was what jolted Barry awake and half-panicking.

“Is everyone—?” he began, and stopped. One look down revealed not his knees, not his arms and hands, and definitely not his torso. Barry struggled to his feet, reeling at a number of successively realized facts, including (1) the total absence of the Speed Force by any measure, (2) the height he’d somehow lost (significant) and (3) that he was totally inhabiting Iris’s body and not his own.

Everyone else in the lab was somewhere along that trajectory. Harry’s hands were clasped over his mouth, his eyes cartoon-wide, while Cisco tugged at his long hair, like that part, of all things, was the most startling turn of events. Barry’s own body was still sprawled supine all over the floor; only Killer Frost stood unimpressed and unmoved in the middle of it all, surveying the chaos with a smirk.

“Okay! Shit, sorry, everyone!” Joe clapped his hands together, vibrating with nervous energy. “Roll call? I’m Cisco.”

Cisco frowned and pointed at him. “You’re me.”

Harry lowered his hands, eyes still saucer-huge. “Caitlin.” She looked to Killer Frost, who was maddeningly, magnificently herself. “Where’s Harry?”

Killer Frost snorted. “In here, fast asleep. I felt him coming in a mile off, no way I was losing that fight.”

Cisco-but-really-Joe swung toward Barry. “Iris?”

Barry got as far as “No, I’m—” when Barry’s body bolted upright. “What the hell!” Iris sputtered, at which point Barry’s own face drained and locked eyes with him. “Oh my actual god. This is weird. This is weird.”

Joe-but-actually-Cisco clutched at his scalp, edging backward. “Okay! I’m… nobody panic. I’m gonna fix this. Okay. Everyone just hang tight.”

“Don’t worry about me.” Killer Frost buffed her nails on her jacket. When she blew on them, a little gust of ice crystals punctuated her verbal shrug. “You do you, I guess.”

*

This was not a completely unexpected outcome. Team Flash had just taken down a meta who could overload her victims with false memories and personalities, and the device (“I call it the Series Reboot, yo!”) was meant to ensure that any residual wham was fully flushed out of everyone’s systems. Cisco had put the possibility of body-swapping around twelve percent, but it would definitely be temporary and not at all a problem to reverse.

“Twelve percent?”

“Twelve point five,” Cisco muttered, hunched over the Series Reboot. “I didn’t want to say thirteen.”

Caitlin smirking with Harry’s body didn’t actually sound much different from Harry himself. “That’s one in eight.”

“My hands are huge and I don’t have any hair and that feels weird,” Cisco snapped. “Are you helping? Are you helping?” Caitlin scoffed and wandered away. “Didn’t think so,” Cisco grumbled. “Let a man work.”

“You know, I got work back at the station,” Joe said, guarding the gun, badge and holster he’d confiscated from Cisco. (“I don’t care if it takes five minutes to fix, you are not getting loose with those.”)

“Noted!” Cisco shouted, without turning around.

Iris reached for Joe’s shoulder. “Dad, give him space.” It was a deeply Barry-like move, especially with Joe-as-Cisco looking so consternated. The moment ended on contact, abruptly, when both of them yelped and stumbled back a pace. 

Barry grabbed at Iris’s hand, which was thrumming like a cicada. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, just stay calm. Deep breaths, focus, all right?”

She sighed, while her hand sporadically stilled. “Do you have to worry about that all day?”

“That… would be exhausting. Luckily no.” He gave her an encouraging smile. “You should acclimate to it soon.”

Iris remained skeptical. “Anything else you want to warn me about?”

“Are you two being mushy while you’re in each other’s bodies?” Killer Frost wagged one eyebrow. “Kinky.”

“You know what would be nice?” Iris swiveled toward Killer Frost, eyes narrowed. “If you’d let Harry help Cisco so we can put things the way they should be.”

“And miss out on quality time with my girl?” Killer Frost pouted. “You know Caitlin and I never get a chance to really hang.”

Caitlin huffed. “You’re not exactly making the best case for it.”

“Aww, put it on a Post-It for later, Caity.”

“Okay.” Cisco got to his feet and put Joe’s face through a rictus grin it never was meant to wear. “You know what would help? Me having the room. Yeah, that’s right, I’m kicking all y’all out. Just — not too far, ‘cause I’m definitely going to have this figured out soon.”

Barry heaved a sigh and sized up the heels Iris had been wearing, long since tripped over and kicked off. Iris rolled her eyes. “I’ve got Chucks in my car,” she said. “Come on.”

*

By midnight, Killer Frost had announced she was hitting the nightlife, Caitlin had given Joe (who was very not willing to test out Vibe’s powers) a ride to his house, Cisco had reluctantly camped out on one of Harry’s cots, and Barry and Iris were staring into their bathroom mirror, warily brushing their teeth.

“D’you think we’ll wake up and it’ll be fixed?” Barry asked around his toothbrush.

Iris could only shrug. “You really think it’ll work like that?”

Barry paused. “Well, sleep might reset our brain waves in a way the Series Reboot couldn’t.” He met Iris’s eye in the mirror. “But that would be pretty easy.”

Iris watched him root around the drawers. “What are you looking for?”

“Your, you know—” Barry circled a finger around his face. “You’ll get zits, and also you’ll yell at me.”

“Come on, you’ve taken off makeup before.” She leaned past him and picked out a bottle of remover and some cotton balls. “Remember your scene kid period?”

He swiped at the bottle. “Oh, low blow, West.” Iris hummed innocently around the toothbrush. “It was three weeks in 10th grade,” Barry insisted. He paused midway through blotting one eyebrow. “Is that My Chemical Romance?”

They found their way to their own sides of the bed, though after a few minutes they agreed to switch pillows. Iris stared up at the ceiling, trying to settle into a body finally at rest. She was certain her feet were millimeters from poking out the bottom of the covers, that she was hogging the entire bed, that she’d never sleep through the fizzing, crackling sensation of the Speed Force in her blood. Barry, meanwhile, couldn’t stop shifting and turning.

“Iris,” he mumbled. “I love your breasts.”

She burst out laughing. “That could not have sounded less erotic.”

He lifted his face from the pillow to squint at her. “How do you sleep on them, though?”

“Babe…” She rolled onto her side. “There is a reason that I don’t.”

“That’s so unfair.” Barry twisted so they were knee to knee, and Iris was gazing into her own face again. Barry’s dorky smile followed him wherever he was. “This is the weirdest,” he sighed. “Like, top three weirdest.”

“Could have been worse, though.” Iris ran her palm over Barry’s arm, in a way that had always reassured her. “At least it’s the two of us who switched.”

“Yeah,” he conceded. “If it had to happen…” The bedroom was quiet for all of a moment before the two of them exploded with giggles, in finest fourth-grade sleepover form. When the alarm went off the next morning, they were still tangled up in each other, and nothing had resolved on its own.

*

Joe and Cisco were absolutely less than impressed with the change of clothes each had brought the other. “I am an officer of the law, Cisco.” Joe gestured at the graphic tee that had been fetched from the lab cache. “I can’t wear a fake movie poster for _Alpacalypse Now_.”

“This is what I would like to be wearing when I am restored to my rightful form,” Cisco replied solemnly. “It’s for good luck.”

Killer Frost spun in the console chair. “And how is that working out for you?”

“Real good! Great!” Cisco fumbled with the tie Joe had chosen. “But I’ve been thinking… You know what would be even better? If resident mechanical co-genius Harry Wells could come out and talk with me about it!”

“No dice,” she purred. “I’m waiting for something.”

“What could you _possibly_ be—”

“What are we yelling about?” Caitlin hustled into the Cortex, Barry and Iris just behind her. One had not trusted himself with a full face of makeup, while the other had totally bypassed figuring out hair gel. Killer Frost narrowed her eyes.

“Nothing,” she said finally. “Yet.”

Caitlin simply smiled her prim smile as she strode toward her workstation. Somehow her gait transformed even Harry’s shitkicker boots into something graceful and fashionable. “Well, I spent last night thinking about how we could fix this from a biochemical angle. Any kind of consciousness-transmission must be related to brainwaves, right? That means there must be a way to invert the waveform and restore the original signal!”

Joe screwed up his face, immensely dubious. “Does any of that mean anything?”

“Actually, it could.” Cisco started to pace, his focus on the middle distance. “It may need to be an individual fix rather than a mass event like the one that triggered it, but I think I can build a bidirectional emitter to focus the beams.”

Killer Frost swung her legs over the arm of the chair. “Is that going to take long?”

“If it’s not,” Iris announced, with a little less ambivalence than one might have expected, “we’re just going to be in the Speed Lab for a while. You know, see what the whole Speed Force thing is like while I’ve got the chance, right?”

“With supervision,” Barry added. “So important.”

“Oh yeah.”

The pair of them nodded, backing out of the Cortex to the sound of no one else speaking like it was the most natural exit in the world.

Killer Frost made a far-too-patient _hmm_ noise in her throat. Cisco strode over to the Reboot Button and laid one hand on the device. “All right, you beautiful piece of absolute junk-ass garbage. Let’s see what you can do.”

*

“You never mentioned,” Iris gasped, “how horny you get when you run.”

Barry laughed as she tilted his chin up to kiss beneath his jaw. “Not since the beginning. But it, uh—”

“It really hits you.”

He smirked as she leaned harder against him. “The ol’ Speed Force boner. Hey, pal.”

There was no getting around the fact that S.T.A.R. Labs did not have blind spots in its security cameras. But a few key locations were just blocked enough by tables and equipment to mask that Iris had blown out of the enclosed track, pulled Barry by the hand behind a stack of first aid supplies and was now straddling him against the wall. “This is hilarious,” she murmured between kisses. “What should we do?”

Barry rested his hands beneath her collarbone. “Do you have any brilliant ideas about helping Cisco and Caitlin?”

“Not this time.”

He raised his eyebrows. “City’s pretty quiet…”

“Shh! Do you want to jinx it?”

“Oh shit. We’d better get out of here.” Iris had never quite heard her own voice do that, nor did she question the way it made the tips of her fingers curl against the small of Barry’s back. 

*

The great thing about Caitlin, at least when she was hard at work on something, was that she wasn’t really a chortler. She didn’t snort, she rarely cackled and not once had Cisco ever heard her bray with laughter. Killer Frost, on the other hand, had been watching _Big Mouth_ on one of the Cortex monitors for the past two hours, and reacted vocally throughout, even after Joe had wearily presented her with some headphones.

“Cisco.”

He unclenched his jaw, but didn’t turn to face Joe, who was crouched right by his face and the machine guts he was trying to fine-tune. “Yeah,” he said, catching Caitlin’s eye across the top of the Series Reboot. She grimaced apologetically.

Joe sucked in a breath through his nose. “How do I do the thingy? I could boot her out onto the roof or something.”

“No,” Cisco said, though he was sorely tempted.

“I’m going through changes!” Killer Frost belted to herself in the corner, not entirely in tune with the opening credits theme song. “I’m going through changes in my life, oh!”

Joe narrowed his eyes at Caitlin and pointed. “You just going to let this happen?”

“Giving her attention isn’t any better than ignoring her,” Caitlin hissed back, adjusting Harry’s glasses. “Look, it’s not my fault she’s a giant troll.”

Cisco paused, screwdriver in hand. “Do you think we could take her? You know, three against one?”

Joe glowered. “I still think we should throw her onto the roof.”

“She would definitely let Harry out to take care of that,” Caitlin whispered.

“And why not? He’d be fine.” Tendrils of ice crystals swept against the backs of their necks; all three of them overbalanced, some with exclamations. Killer Frost smirked overhead, blue eyes gleaming, and waved the fingers of one hand. “Oh, don’t mind me.” 

“No!” Cisco shouted. “Why on earth would we mind?”

Caitlin got fully to her feet. She tried to summon all her menace into the six extra inches she was wearing, though somehow Killer Frost still looked taller eye to eye. “I can’t imagine why you’re wasting everyone’s time like this,” she announced, Adam’s apple bobbing. She clenched both fists. “You’re certainly not doing it to buy time with me.”

Killer Frost scoffed. “I’m insulted, Caity. Of course we’d hang out if you weren’t so busy with that thing.” She rolled one shoulder in a shrug. “But we’ve got time, so don’t worry about it. After all, you’re not the only scientist running tests around here.”

*

The voice which usually belonged to Joe West crackled over the intercom. “Hey, this is all going nowhere and we’re getting tacos to stave off the existential dread. You guys got an order for us? Killer Frost is paying.”

The Speed Lab’s HVAC system kicked in for an empty room.

“Guys?”

*

Barry had been fighting it, trying desperately to stay respectful. He’d been showering quickly, eyes toward the head, and he’d even apologized every time his hips had clipped a chair or a door frame. All that effort seemed laughable with Iris straddling him on the couch, biting her lower lip every time they caught each other’s eye.

“You are just so large,” she murmured. “Just a literal sexy giraffe.”

He lifted his head off the pillow. “Are you a furry now?”

“Oh wow. Good question.” She gestured at her bare chest. “Is this my fursona?”

“Okay.” Barry rested both hands on the outsides of her thighs. “Can I short-circuit this conversation?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, it could get weirder without any payoff.”

“Wouldn’t want that.” His hands slid up her hips, to the band of her boxers. “Lie back.” Iris obliged, folding herself while Barry pushed, his fingertips just touching her sternum.

The thing about Iris that Barry wasn’t expecting was the softness. Of course he knew from the outside that she had soft skin, soft hair, soft lips, but Iris also went to the boxing gym four times a week. She was rock-solid substance at her core. Yet being her, feeling the way her body was put together, the way it could melt against cushions or fit against his own body, was like breathing underwater — a totally new way of being in the world.

His brain pinballed from thought to sensation to wild thought as he kissed her, as he felt his own stubble against his chin and lips. This was college all over again, the very few guys he’d ever fooled around with (hung up on Iris was hung up on Iris, no matter who he was running to). What had worked then? Had he even gotten far enough to know what he was doing from here? Did it even matter? Cisco and Caitlin were working to get this fixed as soon as possible — maybe even before he’d fully get a chance to feel this whole experience out.

“Barry,” Iris murmured, half-smiling with hooded eyes, “you get lost in there, buddy?”

“Yup! Nope.” He blinked hard. “No, sorry, I just. Started thinking too much.”

“No surprises there.” She ran her hands down the divot along Barry’s spine. “Turn off that brain of yours. Let me show you what I like.” 

He didn’t protest, but let himself be kissed. It was strange to be this small, to be so engulfed by another body. Iris moved over him patiently, with confidence. Something was rewriting Barry from between his legs, a fullness and a wave that wasn’t at all his heartbeat. His breath went deeper, smoother, the flush almost dizzying. He was going to need a lot more time with this. “Oh wow.”

Iris could wield a predator smile in bed that undid Barry every time it came out. He was ready for it, he was ready to be consumed. They didn’t even need to say it; Iris just dipped her hips against his. 

_“Oh!”_

Barry had gotten his nervous full-body vibrations under control well before he and Iris ever slept together. It was no more a regular factor in his life than the hormonal shock he used to feel after running. He only realized this midway through falling off the couch, Iris wide-eyed on top of him. “You’ve never done that to me!” she yelped, as Barry broke down laughing again. “Don’t!” She swatted his shoulder, succumbing to giggles herself. “Barry! This is harder than it looks.”

*

Caitlin hugged her elbows as she paced. “Maybe we should just call.”

“Ah ah ah.” Killer Frost kept her eyes on her smartwatch’s timer. “No changing the parameters mid-stream.”

Joe sighed as he adjusted his holster. “It makes me so uncomfortable to hear you talk about them like that.” Cisco ignored them all, still fiddling with settings on the Series Reboot.

Killer Frost cocked her head. The silence stretched out. “Bombs away,” she purred, and it was true — the distant roar of the Flash was already in earshot.

In an instant, Iris skidded to a halt at the front of the Cortex, Barry in her arms. “We got your text!” she said, flush but not out of breath. “What’s up?”

Killer Frost crossed her arms. She eyed them both up and down, the muss of their hair, the cant of their shoulders toward each other, the swell of both their lips, then allowed herself one satisfied nod. “Nice.”

Barry furrowed his brow, rather a little too much. “Nice? Nice what exactly?” 

The white began leeching out of her hair; her eyes flooded with brown, and she stumbled.

Cisco got to his feet. “Uh—”

The nearest loose object was Cisco’s heat-changing Schrödinger’s cat mug, which rocketed past his head with startling force and accuracy. “Thank you!” Harry yelled, in a rasping voice Caitlin had never summoned. “Not!”

“Hey!” Barry ducked, even though he was well out of the line of fire. He gave Iris an indignant glance. “Cisco loved that mug.”

Harry kicked the base of the computer station. He kicked something for emphasis on virtually every other word. “I have been watching you all! For twenty-four straight hours!” A pen whizzed through the air. “And _you_!” He rounded on Caitlin. “You let her get away with this!”

“I did n—!”

“Harry!” Iris tried to intervene. “She’s been trying to—” 

“Hey, _hey_!” Joe shoved his way into the middle of the scuffle. He grabbed Harry’s wrist. “You’re here now.” He gestured around the room. “Can you fix this?”

Harry wrenched his arm away, though not without pausing to glare in disgust at Caitlin’s assortment of bracelets and stackable rings. “Of course I can fix this,” he said, wriggling his way out of a bangle. “Give me a flashlight.”

“Great. Cool, yeah.” Barry coughed, very discreetly. His hand found his way into Iris’s, also very discreetly. They didn’t glance at each other. “And, um. How long is that going to take?”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I started this fic in July 2018, before I'd finished watching Season 4 and well before Elseworlds was a thing. I am nonetheless delighted to finally share it now! "Alpacalypse Now" does not exist (at least, [not on Threadless](https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/509130-alpacalypse-now)) but the Schrödinger's cat mug [sure does](https://www.thinkgeek.com/product/jrpp/). If you haven't seen _Big Mouth_ , it is an amazing though acquired taste, but [the theme song slaps](https://youtu.be/TSWPOp7mQxM).
> 
> A million thank yous to the glorious Rawles, who has been reading this since the beginning, and Gigs, who laughed despite never having seen the show! Betas, you are the best.


End file.
